I am not weak

In this life you’ll meet people that’ll try to change you by the way they treat you. They’ll tell you that you are weak. Don’t let them change you. Don’t let them pull you into their darkness and bitter meaningless lives. Remember to always be in control of yourself, your emotions. Your shine, your smile. You don’t owe anyone an apology for who you are. Your “imperfections” make you who you are.

You might come across as weak to someone yet they do not know your daily struggles, the weight you carry in silence. The battles you fight in private, your strength is not measured by people.

Keeping busy

I was watching Joyce Meyer today and she said the only way not to worry is to help other people. Then you won’t have the opportunity to dwell in your troubles. I’m constantly depressed because I’m not happy with where I am in life. I think Joyce is right if I kept busy I wouldn’t have the opportunity to be depressed.

Moving on

Everything that is happening is showing me that it’s time to move on. I’m ready to take on a new challenge, to be blessed and for a new chapter. I’ve outgrown the environment I’m in. I don’t want to be here anymore. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Empty Twenties

I think the twenties are the “golden” years that’s when you are supposed to do it all, party hard, make your mistakes, experiment, fail, love however It’s like I’ve been in a long coma all my twenties. I used to think when you reach thirty that’s it, you’re done and Pabi (my favorite broadcaster) affirmed my fear last night on her show when she said in S.A. when u reach 30 that’s it. YOU’RE OLD. I just feel I’ve got nothing to show for my youth, a result of how fear can take everything from you.

I pray less lately, not because I believe in God less but because I realise that prayer alone isn’t enough.

Farewell 2016

I’ve put myself through a lot this year, going forward into 2017 I need to be kinder to myself. The negativity needs to stop, self-pity is the most disgusting habit and I don’t want to do it anymore.

Although many people swear 2016 to have been the bad ass of all years I on the other hand don’t see reason to complain that much. Sure there were tears and disappointments but I wouldn’t crown this year the worst ever. Perhaps because 2015 holds that crown.

2016 Taught me to hold on longer and push harder. I want to instill in myself the spirit of resilience, I need it to face and overcome anything the future might present.

There were a lot wake up calls and rejection, moments that hurt but taught me valuable lessons. And above it all I have realized that I need to respect myself and the power of my thoughts.

I cant wait for 2017 and its lessons, I cant wait to knock on every door and try make something of myself.

Something 2016 also taught me is that action is key, unless you get up and try the results will always be the same. No matter how much you read, research or pray unless you make a plan and follow it towards what you want to achieve it’ll never happen, its that simple.

Cheers to 2016. XoXo

I lost it now I don’t know how to get it back

Waiting to explode until then I am not free

observations

​I think there are people who are addicted to pain. If all you know is disappointment and hurt the feelings become your comfort place, experiencing new positive emotions feels foreign, almost wrong. Therefore by default we go back to the more familiar negative emotions.

I can’t get up

I’m in a room filled with people, they appear to be intoxicated or overly excited. They are moving around hyperly, bumping into each other, shoulder to shoulder. Some are moving pass, shoving their way through, some are hugging celebrating something I presume.

There’s music playing in the background, voices talking above it. I’m sitted against a wall, on the floor, my knees up by my chest I guess to protect my legs from the activity.

I want to get up but I can’t. I look around hoping to see someone I can stretch out my hand to but I don’t see any familiar faces, it’s almost as if I’m invisible to this crowd.

I want to get up and hug someone I know,  I want to dance to the music, move along with the movers but I can’t get up.

I’m afraid when it’s all over, they’ll leave me here, on the floor, all alone.